Loook =''''l

i think this is maybe an easier way

i know you Both love me the same ok

and i love you both as much='(

but im NOT picking anymore='[

doesnt mean have a fucken battle or anything-.-

it means

i want BOTH of you

to Write A Journal

of HOW MUCH you Love Me

i dont like doing this =''[

but its a way i though maybe i could tell which one loves me more

cus im confused and i just

wanna get this drama shit to be OVER

='[

if you love me

youll tell me how much

wont you='[

-crys-

I HATE ALLL YOUR GUTS!!!

-crys harder-

YOU FUCKEN BACKSTABBER!!

-crys breathing heavy-

i hate you all

GO TO HELL!

-sobs in my knees-

fucken liar

you love him!

than you tell me youll say bye and come to me

than i go see the other ones page

and its all

like

i rely wanna give us try

and its

 SO FUCKEN FUCKED UP!

-crys-

YOUR the one that i wanted

-crys-

your the one i counted o-on

-crys harder-

I   AM   LEAVING   FUCKEN   BUZZNET !!!!!

-sobs aching and shaking-

Him.

not nate not shay not rachel not christian not anyone..

Just You.

listen to me Very very carefully please...

Your the one i Wake up for.your the one i dream about every night.your the one i tell my close friends about.your the one i run to.your the one i have a crush on.your the one i have sex with.your the one i talk to your the one i love..your the one who listens to me.your the one who Understands me.your the one i plan to really marry someday.your the one i wanna hold.the one i wanna press my lips upon.its you.i know its you.i know your the one for me no one else matters to me anymore longer.i dont get jealous i dont get angry i dont get hurt..you know why?..

because Your the one i love.your the one i wanna take care of your the one i wanna meet.your the one for me.

baby i can not tell you how long and how far or wide ive been searching for someone like you.your a complete angel.my piece of heaven i can never wait long enough to talk to you.and when i dont talk to you it doesnt matter cus i still love you and no matter how long i will always love you my incredible friend said i should hold off on giving my heart away but..but with you i cant help myself..your so..intoxicating..strong..independent..positive..beautiful..sexy...funny..and so adoring..no one on this earth could Ever compare to someone like you.your one of a kind.i just..wanna touch that porcelain skin look in those beautiful eyes that put the stars to shame at night.press my lips against those soft cheeks.take in the serenity all around us..the beauty..the romance..the love..the heat everything ..i wanna feel your soft hair and stroke your skin..hear you moan anything and everything..

i love you so so much..ive never truly felt in love like this before.not even once.you captivate me..you make me smile..you make me laugh you make me feel important you make me strong..and you dont even have to try..you know how to give me goose bumps you know hot to get me to smile even when i dont want to you make me blush red as hell like no one ever could..you give me butterflies..your the one i talk to late at night when its fucken 2 or 3 am in the morning..doesnt matter to me because i love talking to you..your the only reason i get on this buzznet.because if i didnt have you in my life id be misserable and kinda sad..i wouldnt know what to wake up to i wouldnt know what hope ever really could be or what love really meant.

This..you and me..you and me are what i call love my baby..you care about my daughter just as much as you care about me and you understand so many things in my life that people never could..i can relate to you

your not only my bestest and closest friend but your my friend my  crush my buddy my love..my lover..

i cant explain to you how much i love you baby,,you know who you are..i hope you are reading this because my fingures are falling asleep hahaha..but not only that im writeing this for you and you only baby...i dont care it doesnt matter a bit to who reads this i dont care about anyone other than you you and ruby are what i consider my family.

ill write another journal like this except deeper pretty soon..i jjust felt like i should get alittle of it out in the open yes..

i love you so much baby..your my angel my world my stunning beautiful perfect bb..

I Love You..

Forever..

i only have one relative in my life thats my grandfather and hes old so hell be gone soon as well..

Ruby is My Daughter.i adopted her because i seen and  i KNOW what shes gone through to have every bit of her family gone and no one left so i toke her in because I KNOW WHAT LOVE FUCKEN MEANS!!!!

i think a HELLA lot deeper than nate does i know alot more because I take so many things seriously i dont fool around as much.but hey i get that FROM MY DEAD FATHER!everyone  HATED him and NO ONE on earth had a good reason to he was an amazeing guy so incredible.

he died from a heart attack my mother died from alchol. my sisters died from cancer and i had cancer before but i healed it

ive lived in this world and i KNOW how to take damn well care of myself.and im GLAD i have friends there for me.ive ALWAYS some how gotten through bullshit.

idk who the fuck you are Shay but you need to take your crap ELSE WHERE cus I and MY FAMILY! dont wanna hear it.

all the words that come out of your filthy ass mouth along with nates is bullshit.

ive never been so angry and hurt before in my life.thanks a fucken lot.

my family is my new daughter and MY bestfriends my true friends.thats what i call fucken ass FAMILY!

im sorry to hear about nates life subjects but i tried as fucken hard ass damn possible to make his life better make him fucken happier.BUT I GUESS IT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH!

and guess what THAT MAN WHORE missed MY  birthday too so dont even START SHIT about birthdays here.

i have a Very deep and very brutal but also very strong ass mind that i use constantly.but not my heart

my heart has been burned down to the fucken stake for along time.and thanks to yourr bestfriend 

its to ashes

and Justin is NOT A FUCKEN HEARTLESS BASTARD

IF ANYONES A HEARTLESS BASTARD THATD BE YOU AND NATE! 

DO NOT FUCK WITH MY FRIENDS ALRIGHT!

they shouldnt have to deal with hoes like you and him.

i LOVED HIM

 I LOVED NATE!

with EVERYTHING i had..and whatd he do...burn everything to ashes.

he told me no he fucken PROPOSED to me ...and i seriously thought he had the heart to fucken mean it.ha but nope!

just a fucken plain asss smooth talker like the rest except more crueler-.-...

he proposed to me and i said YES!cus I LOVED HIM.and i THOUGHT he loved me.lies..everything was a giant ass lie.

he was a lie..his "Love" was a lie.it always will be.he said when he turned 18

[WHICH HE JUST DID NOT TO LONG AGO!]

than hed come down to live with me love me marry fucken me.

than just cus i didnt get the hell on for a day or so he was probably like oh great this

gives me a chance to get rid of him!!!!!

so i get on to seee whats crackin and tell him i love him and i miss him so i told him that

than i get a muther fucken reply sayin

OH SORRY I WANNA BREAK UP

THAT IS JUST FUCKEN BULLSHIT!!!!!

DONT TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM

IF YOU

DO NOT

MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tell someone you love them

...your gonna Believe them... 

HES GONE-crys-...i miss him but hes the one whos hurt me real bad whe nhe left me but

bbbut but -crys harder-

i just got Dumped by a boy and and -crys-he hurt me more than trent ever did

='''[trent hurt me because i loved him

He hurt me because he used me

-crys- i dont know what went on in our relationship i cant tell what are lies and what is the truth.ive never been hurt this much before in my life i would die if i could.theres only 1 person on this earth that is still keeping me alive

this guy listens to me-crys-

he listens to me talks to me i can tell him anything and everything i love him so much

-crys- i loved him from the day i met him

he doesnt care about looks he thinks haveing a daughter is sweet and and -crys-he has a bf already and and i sit around crying for no fucken reason cus i love him and my heart is shattered from my ex my ex didnt even TELL ME WHY HE was dumping me!!!and now when i try to make things better and be friends with him [which i know damn well i shouldnt..] he ignores me!!!now hes in another relationship

What only toke you fucken a day or two to find another hoe

-crys-

i ran out of vodka i started shit with my bestest friend who means alot to me and she hates my guts

=''[im a messed up person i dont deserve his love-crys-

but hes all i have all i want right now if this boy ever e-e-ever lets go of me for f-f-or one second i

i..ill probably die

i wanna be in HIS arms ok not my ex's no one elses

just His -crys- i wanna see HIS eyes

i wanna kiss HIS lips-crys harder- i want him i need him

i love him

='''''''[

-ch-chokes out the tears pouring='[-

lol ...idk hahahaha.im just in a great ass mood right now hahahahaa

x]]]]]]]]] ohhhhhh christmas SUCKED hahahaha oh well i know new years will BE A HELLA LOT BETTA x)))))))

WOOT woooo!

mooo!

ahahhahahax] ...no i aint drunk just gots  candy..haha..ohhh im bored so imma tell a storyx]]]]

MMMMMMMMK once a FUCKEN pon a time hahah..there was a cuppycake named Fricken.[HAHA] Fricken was hoppin long de side walk to candy landddd anddd he saws a chocolate bar he was all

HEY YOU WITH THE FACE!

da chocolate bar name was COCO

haha

coco was all like

WHAT IN DA FUCK YOU WANT HOME SKILLIT BISCUT?

Fricken was all

NOTHING HORN DOG..YOU SEXAY! LETS FUCK!

coco was all

BETCH WHERES YOU DICK?

so da cuppycake looked in his wrapper and was all

"UHH...I DONT KNOW..HOE.."

TO BE CONTINUED

hahahahhaha

fucken random

watch when no one reads dis shit hahahhaax]

[NOTE:dis is what happens when you have a three year old askin you to grind wiff her and your sittin at a computer talkin dirty to your bff while giveing a candy cane a blow job ]

HAHAHA

kids dont do this at home

bahahahaha

x]]and no ruby doesnt know wtf grind even means..she needs to stop listening in on my phone calls hahahahx]

-crys-they grow up so fast

hahahahaha!!!!

-crys harder-

someone shoot me already

-sobs-

i love you because you make me the happiest ive ever been

your the reason i come out of my room and out of the house anymore

i dont   stay crammed up in this house anymore im glad i dont

i go to work

i go to school

i sleep

i wake up

because of you

you make me feel alive

your what i live for every day and ever second

i dont think youll ever know just how much i love you baby

your my world now ok i care about you i want you here with me i want to stand by your side i want to kiss those lips and runs my fingures through your hair i wanna sow you off to the world i want to show you america,i want so much,i wanna trace my fingure tip agross your lips and your nose your eyes everything baby.i wanna look into your gorgeous eyes,i want the taste of your tongue,the feeling of my heart beat skip beats because you make me smile so much i wanna feel your skin.i wanna hear your voice,have you in my arms at night and just lay there watching you sleep,i wanna give you a ride on my motorcycle take you to the mountains of california,see the snow,the sunshine,the warmth,the cold,the rain,everything,i wanna hug you kiss you cuddle up with you in front of the fireplace,go to the movies with you,the mall,anywhere,as long as im with you nothing else matters.you mean more to me the anyone or anything.you love me,i love you.i want ruby to see what an incredible person you are and just how much i love you and why i love you.im not saying you have to take care of her if you dont want to thats fine.i want her to love you just as much as i do.i want you to make her laugh make hre smile the way i do.me nad you saying goodnight to her everynight taken her to school.haveing alone time when shes at school or the babysitters.i want you to meet my friends.to hang out.to laugh to smile.

you run through my mind all day and all night.i cant get you out of my head.

and..ugh...the way you turn me on is...

-bites my lip-

incredible..and to imagine i mean close your eyes and imagine it

me..you..in bed..

i mean i can already feel that pulseing red hott heat pumping in my veins.the throbbing,the warmth,the addiction,the love,the feel of our skin,taste of our taste,hear of the sounds,how sexy youd look.the sweat dripping,the screams moans everything..

but...

i love you

i want you

i need you

your my life

id give up everything in this world

to be with you

im in love with you nate

i love you so much

love always and forever more-Ryan A.

i HATE it when you dont wanna talk to me

i hate it when you shut me out

its uncomfortable

to keep it all bottled up

i could die and you wouldnt even fucken notice-.-

i have DIABETIES

AND YOU NEVER PAYED A FUCKEN TENNTION WHEN I TOLD YOU!!!!

u say your "in" love with me

but u cant call it love atleast not at this momment..maybe a crush idk..

you make excuses not to see me

is it because i have a daughter now or what?

if thats the reason than you need to pick your ass up and get out of my fucken life!0.o

is it just for the sex?

is it cus im"rich"

and you make excuses not to talk me

if you want me to go away than FINE!

im USED TO THE PAIN

SO JUST KEEP MAKEN IT FUCKEN WORSE THAN IT ALREADY IS!!!

-.-

i might as well leave right fucken now

FUCK IT!

im going to a fucken bar dropping ruby off at the babysitters

and im gonna get drunk and fuck and 

-throws shit at wall and starts to sobb in hands-

..get hurt even more.

to think id be fucken used to the pain by now

to think ID BE USED TO HAVEING PEOPLE STABB ME IN THE CHEST REPEATIDLY!!!

whats worse

its from a girl........

0.o

dude..wtf..ive been here for you like two years-.-n now you say i hate you and bullshit

wtf..

-.-

-sticks middle fingure up at you and kicks you-

oh=[i think i need surgery on my tummy

-bites my lip-

somethins wrong

i think i got some fucken weird asss virus

0.0 eeeeppp!